Why the Right Hates the Left

As many of you have seen, I read stuff on both sides of the fence and on occasion my absolute rage at one side or the other (okay, one side) spills out onto my site. I try to do my best not to go off but it happens and I'm not really apologetic about it. Nope, I'm not sorry. I try to be as tolerant of the left as any right wing nut job could possibly be expected to. Some of you on the left are probably wondering what the hell I'm talking about because everything you say seems perfectly sane and civil to you. Well, to you it is perfectly sane and civil. To us it's a near declaration of war, and sometimes even a replay of the Civil War. Us on the left do not read your words the same way you do. We hear different things than you think any logical person should. Let me explain with some statements and some "redneck, right-wing, religious-freak" translation (Most of these will be paraphrased):

Left Says: The way I see [Social Security Privatization], Wall Street wants this money, so BushCo will do everything they can to give it to them. Call me cynical. --Pusillanimous Wanker II--
Right Hears: Bush is a puppet to his corporate backers and will do anything to give them a buck. He doesn't give a damn about America.

Left Says: I need a descriptive term for the nation the right is trying to create: Jingo Jesus and the F**ktard Five --The Liberal Avenger--
Right Hears: The right is a bunch of stupid Jesus freaks against all other religions and peoples.

Left Says: (On breaking the terrorist's back) Oh, and we neutralized Osama, too. Did you know that? --Daily Kos--
Right Hears: Nanny Nanny Boo Boo, Bush can't catch Osama! He just wants to take the oil!(Caveat: We believe that Usama is a single man in terrorism, not terrorism itself. Terror will go on with or without Usama.)

Left Says: ...how ironic it is that the same bunch of people who decried john kerry for testifying about war atrocities in front of congress are now defending the soldier that shot an unarmed, wounded iraqi in the head in a fallujah mosque... --Skippy the Bush Kangaroo--
Right Hears: Bush got us into a war using poorly trained and undisciplined, understaffed children and should rot in prison for war crimes, all because he wants some oil.

Left Says: I believe we can now declare our brief flirtation with becoming the morality party over, and not a moment too soon. There's no way we can outdo these crackpots... --Eschaton--
Right Hears: Okay, this one's more funny than hurtful but the concept remains: The war we're fighting in Iraq and elsewhere is killing people which makes the right morally corrupt. That's what we hear....Almost forgot: AND IT'S BUSH'S FAULT!

Left Says: [this space left blank] Reality Based [this space left blank] --Hell, pick a blog, they're all calling themselves "reality based".
Right Hears: I can't believe those wingers, believing what anything the government, aka "the establishment" will tell them. They are suckers.

Left Says: We're sorry world. We tried. --Sorry Everybody--
Right Hears: We're sorry world. We tried to get the rest of America to kowtow to the European appeasemonkeys (TM Doug) but they were just too dumb (TM Daily Mirror) to believe what European news has been trying to say.

Maybe this explains in a bit more detail what has been going on. Why the right hates the left. You need to remember, we voted for Bush. He is the president that we chose and the offhanded belief that he was the wrong choice insults your other half of America. It's like you made the elections a final exam or something. It's a decision that was made by America and needs to be respected if we don't want Civil War II. This is the first time I've said this but Kerry would have been a good choice as well but I believed Bush would do a better job and still do. So remember this the next time you post about how Bush intends to destroy America, or how he's a complete idiot, or even how us religious freaks are all so stupid. It's insulting your fellow Americans.

So the next time you would like to call my regular commenters a$$holes you might want to check your rear-view mirror. To us much of the commenting that goes on left looks to be made from the same body part with no defense. Hopefully, this doesn’t spoil anyone’s sensitivities. It was only meant to help in understanding.