Wednesday, November 03, 2004

Cleveland Rocks!! Kerry Sucks!!

I'm sure by the end of the day there be 101 Drew Carrey/John Kerry jokes floating around and I thought I should throw one in before the lawyers (John and John) try to sue their way to victory so here goes: (Ohio residents this joke has no ill will towards you. It's just a joke.)

The only two good things to come out of Ohio are Drew Carrey and a Kerry defeat.

(I'm sure there are more Carrey/Kerry jokes out there but I'm just too tired to care right now.)

The state of the states:

Bush has won the election by a narrow margin. There are at least three states that have or could go to George Bush to put him past 269 votes after Ohio is officially won. It doesn't really matter if we don't get any more votes because if we're tied with 269 the vote goes to the senate and I've got another cheesey joke for that:

Q: What sound did Dashle's career make when it went up in smoke?


I don't think anyone was expecting that one. Republicans continue to dominate the legislative branch. We're all over. We're multiplying. We're like cockroaches; you just can't kill us off! Unless I missed a couple numbers, we actually gained a seat or two. Bush will undoubtedly be voted in should it come down to it, which I doubt.

As for Ohio. Today John Kerry and John Edwards have the opportunity to do a noble thing or a despicable thing. Unless you've been hiding under a rock, or Iraq, you've been briefed only slightly that Ohio has turned into a Vietnam style quagmire, complete with a Vietnam vet. Here's how it all breaks out:

Bush is ahead in Ohio with 136,221 votes more than Kerry. This gives him a 2% lead. It appears that Bush is the winner. But wait! There's more! Ohio had a large influx of provisional ballots. These are ballots that weren't registered, their absentee ballot didn't show up on time, they ate their voter registration card and were too intimidated to show I.D. or whatever and are held provisionally in case there is a vote that is close enough for them to potentially change the outcome. In this case, they would need a total of at least 136,222 provisional ballots for any of them to be counted. The democrats are claiming over 250,000 legal ballots but that is yet to be seen. Republicans come up with a much lower number. We should see that roll out some time today.

If it turns out there were enough provisional ballots Kerry's only chance is if a whopping majority of those votes go to Kerry. First, they have to cover the 136,221 vote lead and then they have to cover an additional 49.75% of the rest of them in order to go on to the next phase:

In order for any form of recount to be conducted in the state of Ohio you need to have a race within .25% of each other. I don't really think that's going to be much of a problem. If the number is 250,000 they would need to come up with about 187,500 or roughly 75% of those votes to cause a recount and for lawyers to be viable.

If this fails Kerry and they still try to sue over something I call upon everyone, left and right to hunt both of them down and pummel the living crap out of them for trying to disgrace the United States with their inability to accept reality. You though I was jaded and baised before, you aint' seen nuthin' yet!

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