2. How would you spend the perfect day?
10:00 AM - My wife wakes me up with an ice cold beer. (I'm about 30 pounds lighter and not worried about gaining weight.) We talk about meaningless plans to go absolutely nowhere on the island and how our son is having such a great time back in Washington with Grandma. She continues to be amazed at how well he can read and how well behaved he is.
10:10 AM - She finishes the last three or four gulps of beer in genuine "chug" fashion and ends up with that little drizzle of beer run down the left side of her neck, between her tanned, supple breasts, catch the corner of the small crevasse under the one on the left and become absorbed underneath it. (Oh, did I mention she was naked?)
I eagerly, yet delicately, take one slow lick that spans the bottom of her breast, slowly up her chest, along her tender neck and end at the corner of her lips where we end in a long thirsty kiss and embrace. We have wild, passionate monkey-sex until we both explode, panting heavily and sweating profusely.
10:11 AM - Just kidding.
10:30 AM - She gets up after a couple of minutes on her back catching her breath and walks out the door, still nude. She stops at the doorway, looks back over her shoulder with the bottle in her hand and says "go back to sleep."
11:20 AM - She wakes me up with a single spoonful of food. I taste some meat, probably pork, cheesy and several other things that I am too asleep to try and recognize. All I know is she is working on yet another meal that is par for her course...which is nothing short of phenomenal, four star, experimentation.
I give her the thumbs up as I try to fathom the taste she's just put in my mouth and she skitters towards the door again. I hear something sizzling louder in the background. Before she leaves the room I manage to swallow quickly and blurt out "that's excellent honey!" before she leaves the room. Again she stops at the doorway, and blurts out "go shower."
11:25 AM - While in the shower I try and remember if she was wearing anything other than her cooking apron. I vision was pretty foggy and could have been mistaken, but it appeared she had not put any clothes on other than her apron to protect her while she was cooking yet.
11:45 AM - Nope, I wasn't mistaken. I find her on all fours cleaning up something sticky that had fallen on the kitchen floor with a Clorox wipe. Since it's sticky, she's scrubbing a little and making that irresistible body movement that has gotten many a man ogle many a woman without even know they're ogling. She stops, turns her head back to look at me and gives me a giddy, approving nod. (Use your imagination.)
12:15 PM - By this time we've cleaned up and at least found underwear and tee-shirts. Fortunately, the concoction she made up for lunch was in the crock pot and ready to eat.
She pulls a bottle of chardonnay from the refrigerator, pulls the stopper off, (It had been opened the night before.) and pours us each a glass with what looks like white chili but isn't. We talk about our plans for that evening and laugh about a few things. She hands me a list of things she needs me to pick up in the village. She explains that she has to go to the other side of the island to pick something up and it would just be faster that way. There's no real rush, it just needs to be done by six, when we go out.
12:45 PM - Fully dressed in one of those flowery summer dresses, my wife goes out to pick up her items. One the way out we exchange a slow, close kiss and she gives me a quick grab and a look as she heads out the door. I decide it's about time to check my blog and do some World of Warcraft.
12:50 PM - 100,000 hits! Alright! I guess it was the right thing to send those social issue solutions off to congress after all. Who would have thought we could get a unanimous vote of confidence in both the House and Senate? The French might even adopt the idea.
I'll check my e-mail tomorrow. I'm sure none of it's going anywhere. I'm glad Glenn Reynolds volunteered to guest blog on American Warmonger. He's so kind and eager to help out since I converted him from worshiping Satan. He even got Markos to help out!
It's time for some hardcore troll killing...Warcraft style...Level 61? Oh hey! they created a new level just for me! How kind of Blizzard!
- Time Passes -
04:00 PM - Man that was fun! I didn't think you could take on a monster like that by yourself and WIN! Utterly amazing! Well, I better go out to the village or no nookie for me tonight!
04:15 PM - I run around through the shops, picking things up wherever they're needed. Somehow I end up with one of those coconut drinks with way too many umbrellas as I meander my way through the little vendor shops. For some reason there's a bungee jumping place. I've never tried it and have always wanted to. It only takes about ten minutes out of my schedule and was well worth it. Woo Hoo! That was such a rush! I'll have to rub it in to my mom. (She was deathly afraid that if I tried it the cord would break so she forbade me from trying it at every opportunity I ever had.)
04:50 PM - After collecting all of the stuff, apparently for tomorrow's lunch, I take the water route back to the beach house. Crisp blue water is lapping at my ankles as I stroll along the beach without a care in the world. For some reason I have a Corona in one hand and the bag of groceries in the other. It's not one of those brown paper bags that are awkward to handle or the plastic ones that cut your hands. It's the kind you bring from home, with the nice leather handle that's easy to carry no matter how much stuff is in it.
05:00 PM - I arrive at the beach house, drop the stuff on the kitchen counter and hear the water running in the bathroom. She's home and she's in the shower. I take a quick peek at the clock.
Yep, we've got time. Fortunately, we upgraded our bungalow to one with a deluxe open shower. You know, the kind that's not just a tub with a nozzle. It has about four jets with a couple of seats. I really love the feel of her skin when it's wet and soapy like that.
05:10 PM - Yep, I told her it would be quick. We're both satisfied and that's what counts. Time to get dressed up to go out.
05:20 PM - Okay, I'm ready to go. My wife has just started putting on makeup. She's not going to put on much tonight since it's been warm out. I guess that gives me some time to play around online for a while. Maybe I can scan through my e-mail now.
My, that was nice of Markos to handle all of the hate mail for me. I guess someone who's been dealing in hate for so long would have a talent for being able to remove it. It's good that he's changed.
Let me check a few blogs since I have time. Hey, Rusty, Teach and Roper are going to be the new Deans at Harvard, Yale and Stanford! That's just as good as when DC was named the new director of homeland security. Jane started it all when she was named editor in chief of the NYT. She paved the way for less bias and more truth to come out in the world. I just love it when my friends succeed.
06:01 PM - Ding Dong! Hey, it looks like the limo's here. So where's my wa- WOW! I know she looks great all the time but that dress is just stunning! We're ready to go to dinner now. I'm so glad we rented the big limo. It would have been such a let down for my first time in a limo being packed like sardines in the back. (No, I've never been in a limo.)
07:30 PM - After the nice champagne treatment in the limo and the enjoyment of the company of around ten of my good friends we've crossed the ferry back to the mainland and found our way the restaurant. I have no idea how much this is supposed to cost, I'm just glad that Tony Blair decided to pick up the tab. I hope nobody spits anything when I ask about the spotted dick.
09:00 PM - Man, I've never had that before. That was the most incredible food with the most incredible wine I've ever had. I should have warned that guy with the violin not to come over. I hope the string marks wear off of his face. It just felt so good to beat one of those annoying guys down like that. Well, it's time to go to the club. It's my birthday and everyone's buying for me!
09:30 PM - It was so nice of Tony to reserve the VIP room for us. It's too bad he couldn't stay. He was a real card, that one. Alas, leading a country does have its disadvantages.
Well, now to the club. We dance until about 11:30 PM when my wife whispers in my ear that she has a special surprise waiting.
11:30 PM - We go up to the roof of the club and there's a helicopter primed and waiting for us. Luckily, that new drug that came out which prevents you from getting too drunk while maintaining a comfortable buzz was available to me on the market. It really works wonders. That company was such a wise investment when it was trading for $0.10 a share. Now that they've split even ten times and are sitting at $100 a share I'm really kicking myself for only putting in $10,000. (That comes out to $51,200,000 dollars for those with no calculator.)
11:55 PM - After a beautiful ride the two of us arrive back at the bungalow beach house. We scamper inside out of the chopper's wash and into the house. She starts to giggle a little bit as she leads me to the room that I haven't been allowed to go into all week. She tells me to wait at the door as she's stripping off clothes down the hallway. She enters the mystery room with a quick glance back and a giggle as if she knows something, enters the room and locks the door.
11:59 PM - I hear the click of the lock opening and her voice saying "Okay. It's time. Are you ready? I'm ready, come on in." I stand there with a look of utter amazement like none I haven't had since I was a small child. It's incredible! It's amazing! It's...
I'm sorry, you only asked for a day. That's all there is in a day. It's over now. Go home and make your own dreams happen. I'm still working on mine.
(Honestly, I absolutely love surprises. The end is perfect for me.)
50 minutes ago